Making Your Ex Miss and Need You Again

One thing that's true of any relationship is that you can't fix it alone. All break ups have a single important thing in common: your girlfriend won't take you back until she wants - and more importantly needs - you in her life again. Up until that moment, you're just flying solo.

Make Your Ex Miss You

With this in mind your ultimate goal should always be the same no matter what type of break up you're dealing with: making your ex want you back. This sounds simple, but can sometimes be difficult. Very often it's hard to tell whether what you're doing is working or not, because what your ex puts forth on the surface can be very different than what she's feeling inside. She's almost certainly suppressing a lot of feelings for you after the break up, and these can surface from time to time. But it's not like you can tell which nights she's home by herself, feeling lonely, and sitting around thinking about your relationship.

Signs That Your Ex Hasn't Completely Moved On

Some women will block out all thoughts of an ex boyfriend immediately after ending the relationship. They do this in an attempt to "move on", but in reality it's more a sign of weakness in her resolve. Any girl choosing push her feelings down and lock them away rather than deal with them outwardly is going to be easier to get back together with. This is because she's never reconciled the end of your relationship - instead she's chosen to forget about it for a while and see if she can move forward without having to deal with the separation anxiety that comes with breaking up.

This is actually a good sign. Many of the techniques you can use to get back your ex girlfriend will involve finding these buried emotions and gently digging them up. A girl who's sorted out the relationship and finalized the break up in her mind will be a lot harder to sway than one who just abruptly crumpled her feelings for you into a ball and tossed them over her shoulder. You can tell which situation you're dealing with by how quickly and seemingly easily your ex was able to end things with you.

Putting Yourself Back In Your Ex's Head

The problem most guys run into is that they dig either too deeply, or too quickly (or both!). Go too fast and your ex will run away; she'll recognize what you're doing and she'll try to protect her decision by removing you from the equation. Dig too deep and your exgirlfriend can actually get angry. This anger isn't necessarily directed at you, either - she's angry at herself because you're showing her too much of her own true feelings all at once. It's best to let her discover these feelings on her own, so she believes she's the one responsible for wanting to get back together again.

Picture it as if you're handing your ex girlfriend a shovel so she can do her own digging, and maybe a map so she knows where to look. With the right amount of finesse, applied at just the right times, you can let her all the work on her own. This is the Indiana Jones technique - your ex begins uncovering feelings, emotions, and good memories of the two of you together.

She cherishes these times, and will start to feel guilty about burying them. Your ex will be pleasantly surprised by what she finds, and might not have even realized there was so much good history between you. Alone, by herself, thinking about your relationship... this is when she's likely to question the break up, and also the point at which you can make additional moves to get her back.

Planting The Seeds of the Past - When and How to Do It

Before you begin getting your ex to reminsce about your relationship, you need to realize that it can't be done directly. Approaching her with these types of things will always send up immediate red flags in your exgirlfriend's head, especially if she knows how badly you want her back. This is why desperation early on will always hurt you later. Hopefully you didn't come off too desperate after the break up - and if you did, you'll need to leave your ex alone for a while.

The biggest key to making your exgirlfriend miss you is not being around for her at all. She wanted to be alone? Let her be alone. She wanted space? Give her all the space she needs - and then some. The phrase "be careful what you wish for" applies here. Some women break up with a guy fully expecting to be chased. . . even needing that chase in order to validate your desire for them. By chasing them you're effectively giving them what they want, and more importantly, exactly what they need to happily continue with the break up.

Look at it this way: as long as you're running after your girlfriend, she's having fun. All that attention is very flattering. But once you stop chasing after her? She turns around looking for you, wondering why you're not playing the game. This is when it's not fun for her anymore, and she has to deal with the emotional impact of being alone. You need to let her do this. There's no way you can get your exgirlfriend back by constantly calling her, sending emails, or shooting her text-messages whenever you happen thinking about her. Those types of activites are extremely counterproductive to getting your ex back, and can cost you a chance at fixing your break up.

Giving Your Ex Time To Herself - The No Contact Approach

Steering clear of your ex for a while will be hard, especially since every part of your psyche will be screaming for you to call her. There may be also situations where seeing your ex is inevitable, such as if you work with her, go to the same school, or even share the same circle of friends. Still, it's vital that you minimize contact and keep any accidental run-in's with your exgirlfriend to a simple nod or smile 'hello'. Other than that, you'll need to turn off your phone, unplug your computer, and push through this difficult time without her.

Ex Girlfriend Contact

Keeping yourself busy is one of the best ways to prevent yourself from breaking down and trying to get in touch with your ex. Your friends and family should hopefully show support, so make use of them. Going out is always better than staying in... it doesn't matter so much what you do, as long as you're not home alone late at night, staring at your phone. That's when you'll be tempted to call your ex, so minimizing that time is important.

Guys tend to blow the whole no-contact thing because they start imagining crazy scenarios where their exgirlfriend runs out and immediately starts dating other guys. You can't think like this. Driving yourself crazy with jealous thoughts or notions is going to wreak havoc with your ability to get back your exgirlfriend. You're not going to have a level head or a clear mind, and anything you do will be tainted by stuff that hasn't even happened. You need to chill out, relax, and concentrate on you for a while. When temptation strikes, remind yourself that you're in this thing for the long haul. By breaking communication with your ex girlfriend, you're actually setting yourself up in the best possible position for a reconciliation later on.

Re-Establishing Contact With Your Ex Girlfriend

When enough time has passed, there are right and wrong ways of reconnecting with your ex girlfriend. Obviously, the most desired scenario is to get your ex to call you. If you've followed the above advice, she almost certainly will. Wondering where you went is one thing, but not seeing or hearing from you for weeks on end? The curiosity will drive her crazy. First she'll ask about you, and eventually she'll come up with some reason she needs to drop you an email or make a quick phone call. Probably to ask you some contrived question, or tell you something "important".

Yet even if she hasn't called, you've effectively placed yourself in the position where your ex will now welcome contact from you. Doing it correctly is important. There are some very good tips and tricks for contacting your ex, located here. Be sure to read up on them before making any such moves. The right phone call can lead to lunch or coffee, which is the next step of reversing your break up: the reunion date.

Okay, let's move on to:  Things You Can Do To Turn Your Ex Around Fast

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