The Most Deadly Mistakes Guys Make During Reconciliation

Know what's more important than learning how to get back your ex girlfriend? Learning what not to do. The mistakes you'll find below are the worst and most common offenses made by guys after a girl breaks up with them. The more of these you're guilty of, the greater your chances of totally blowing it when it comes to getting an ex back.

Text Message Your Ex

Making Too Much Contact

It's the most common mistake made after a break up... and it's also the most difficult one to avoid. When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it's a natural reaction to panic. The fear of losing her causes you to cling even more tightly, until you've got a virtual stranglehold on your now ex-girlfriend... at a time when she's already feeling awkward around you and would much rather be left alone. Even worse, you begin to babble and say things right off the top of your head - all of it without even thinking. And the more you say, the faster she starts running in the opposite direction.

As you feel her slipping away, you make even more exgirlfriend contact - and this is where things get hairy. You bombard her with emails, text-messages, and phone calls "just to say hi". Maybe you beg her to get back together, or to give your relationship another chance. When she stops taking your calls, you start writing your thoughts down in notes and cards. You mail them to her house, or drive by her home, her work, or her school to leave them on her car.

Not only does this communication overwhelm your ex, but it sometimes gets downright creepy. You don't see it that way of course, but if you'd take a minute to step outside the situation and look it at from a different perspective, you might understand what I'm talking about. The too worst moves you can make after a break up are contacting your ex too much and too soon. It's always better to give you both a break - and some breathing room - immediately after your relationship ends.

Getting back an ex girlfriend does require contact, but it requires the right kind of contact at the right times. Learn exactly when to get in touch with your ex, and what to say when you do finally talk to her.

Begging For Her To Reconsider The Break Up

Know what girls love in a guy? Strength and confidence. Know what personality traits will always turn them off? Weakness and despair. How can you convince your ex to take you back when you're lying at her feet, clutching her ankles, begging her not to break up with you?

Okay, so maybe you're not literally enacting the above scene. Still, there's a good chance you're coming off as desperate whenever you talk to or communicate with your ex girlfriend. Asking her to think things over is one thing, but pleading with her over and over again is quite another. If your ex has firmly made up her mind to end things, sometimes the best thing to do is agree with the break up - at least for now.

When you get dumped, your girlfriend still has a certain level of respect for you. As you beg and plead with her, you start chipping away at that respect. And once it's gone, it's very hard to get back. No girl wants to get back together with a whiny, sniveling, desperate wreck of an ex boyfriend. Don't be that pathetic guy who's crying his eyes out, making mix tapes and writing songs for your exgirlfriend. Instead, be the pillar of strength and confidence that attracted her to you in the first place. Know and believe that you will get your ex back... and you will do it. Make it a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it will certainly happen.

Showering Your Ex With Gifts, Notes, Cards, Etc...

When your ex stops showing an interest in talking to you, you'll want to communicate more than ever. The next most common move will be to begin writing your thoughts down in long, drawn-out love letters that explain exactly how you feel. You'll think that if you can only get your message across, your girlfriend will suddenly see the error of her ways. She'll tearfully fling herself back into your arms, and everything will be great again. And so, you sit down and write the mother of all love letters.

Really bad move.

After breaking up with you, your ex needs some time to herself... and you really ought to give it to her. She'll feel slightly weird around you because she knows she probably broke your heart. She may even feel guilty about hurting you. The last thing she wants is more guilt heaped upon her shoulders in the form of a 10-page letter, or the sappiest Hallmark you could find in the card shop.

Give Ex Flowers

Flowers are something your ex would've loved while you were together, and she probably longed for you to send them. Doing it now however, only shows that you're desperate to get her back. She realizes of course that you're only sending them because you want something from her, and not because you were thinking about her. It's a case of too little too late, so sending her flowers will always come off as needy - and a little tacky, too.

Sending your ex girlfriend a gift is even creepier. No girl wants to think you're buying your way back into her heart. Even the small, thoughtful gifts are unwanted at this point. What your ex really desires is to be given the time and space to process the break up, without having to worry when you'll next contact her.

Promising Your Ex That You'll Change For Her

Here's a newsflash: you can't change yourself for someone. And you know what else? You shouldn't have to. Just being yourself is the best possible thing you or your exgirlfriend could ever ask of you. You're still the same person she fell in love with in the first place, so it shouldn't take changing into someone else to get her back.

Now, what you can do is modify certain behaviors that might've contributed to your break up. Maybe you were too overbearing, constantly keeping tabs on your ex to the point of smothering her. Or perhaps the reverse is true: you just weren't giving your girlfriend the attention she needed or wanted from the relationship. Maybe you weren't as affectionate as you used to be... maybe you took her for granted. Behavioral change isn't just common, it's a standard part of going out with somebody for any length of time.

When you "promise to change" for an ex girlfriend, it's like admitting that you currently suck. Don't do that. Instead, try to examine where you were at the beginning of your relationship, and how you treated your ex. If you've strayed pretty far from that kind of original behavior, it might be a good part of why she was unhappy at the end. By finding those behaviors and reviving them, you can polish up your relationship and bring back many of your original actions that made her happy and attracted to you in the first place.

The next step is communicating to your ex that you've realized these things - and made a conscious decision to put them back in order. There are ways you can let your ex know that should she give the romance another shot, things will be different. You're not promising to change, but you are letting her know that you recognize weak areas in your relationship, and are willing to work on them.

There are some great tips and techniques for letting your ex know you've made such important recognition, so be sure to learn what they are.

Trying To Be Friends With Your Ex To Get Her Back

In another common error in judgement, some guys try to remain friends with an ex thinking it'll make things easier to get them back. Not only is this a huge mistake, but it's also one of the fastest ways to get stuck in a position where your ex girlfriend no longer sees you as a romantic interest. A.K.A. - The Friend Zone.

Friendship with an ex never, ever works. It might seem like a great idea after losing your girlfriend, mainly because it allows you to still keep in touch with her. It may even work for a little while, resulting in great camaraderie and good spirits. But in the end, that's all you'll get... that, plus the crushing pain you'll experience when your ex starts dating again - right before your eyes.

If you want to get your girlfriend back, you need to establish that goal and begin working toward it. As much as you'd like to think it would work, you can't cheat your way back into her heart through a friendship role. Don't accept friendship when you really want a relationship. To learn more, find out exactly what you should do when your ex wants to be friends with you.

Showing Up To See Her (i.e. Stalking Your Exgirlfriend)

It starts off small, with you missing your ex. You try to get her back through phone calls and letters, but nothing works. Contact drops off, and you start to worry that you're losing her... maybe even for good. Your exgirlfriend is not answering your emails or text messages, or she's always telling you that she's busy.

This is where some guys believe that just showing up to see an ex girlfriend is totally okay. It's the next seemingly logical step in getting back together with her, especially since nothing else seems to be working. So they show up at her home, or work, or school, thinking that if they can only arrange a face-to-face, heart-to-heart meeting with their ex... they can finally convince her to take them back. And they're even shocked when it backfires.

It's never okay to hunt down your exgirlfriend and show up unexpectedly. This is stalker-like behavior, and will always be received in the worst possible way. At best, you come off as lame and desperate. At worst, you're going to make your ex girlfriend afraid of you. She'll wonder where and when you're going to show up next, and what you'll do when she refuses your offer to get back together that time, too.

What To Do If You've Made Some of These Mistakes

If you've already delayed your reconciliation by committing a few of the above post-breakup errors, there's always time to fix things. The first thing to do is find out the 6 things that every guy must know about getting a girl back. This free list of positive actions can help get you back on track to renewing your ex's interest in you.

You can also find another list of actions and behaviors to avoid after breaking up. Read about the 7 most common mistakes you're making right now that are virtually killing your chances of getting back together again.

Finally, you can read much more detailed reviews of some of the best break up resources on the entire internet. Click Here to read our review page of instantly downloadable relationship guides.

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